Though this might seem more like venting. This is the third time I've started writing this very same post, the other two tries were lost due to technical issues. I don't know what the name of this lesson might be yet, patience, gratitude... I'm not sure, I just know that I'm having an exceedingly difficult time with it.
I had a mini meltdown on the phone with my man-friend this week. It involved me declaring my need to get a comfy chair for my new place. A chair I can sit and work in. I need a comfy chair, or I might die. The point isn't the chair though, the point is comfort - something I'm realizing I took for granted, and expected to follow me around wherever I went.
Right now, I am not comfortable.
There are so many nuances that come together to create "comfort..."
- Physical comfort. That comfy chair, smells, temperature, humidity, sound...
- Convenience, like things being where they should be, or close by, or that they exist at all. There's also the assumption that they work they way they are intended to work.
- Psychological comfort - Personal space, ownership, control, things making sense, familiarity.
Right now life is one continually uncomfortable process for me. Making food and showering in a house that isn't mine, sleeping in a room that smells funky and is filled with spiders, searching high and low for internet access only to find it in freezing places with harsh wooden chairs, getting to work on a tiny screen where the most I can accomplish it seems is to respond to email.
I have things I want to accomplish, plans I want to see through - but when it takes me 3 hours to do what should take 30 minutes it makes me want to scream.
I got walked in on the other day while I wasn't wearing pants - not cause people are rude, but cause it's not my house. At the moment I belong everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Beggars can't be choosers though, right? I'm not sure what I was expecting...
So here are some things I can expect:
- Everything comes to pass... not to stay. I'm uncomfortable now, but soon I'll be in my own place and I'll be able to manipulate everything from the colors to the temperature.
- I can control my attitude and what I feel. So while discomfort may be overwhelming at the moment, I choose gratitude...
I might not be comfortable, but I have a place to stay, I have friends, I have family, I have plans, I have support. I think I can be uncomfortable and grateful at the same time.
So yeah, any help you can offer to go along with this most recient lesson would be appreciated.
Hot, bug bitten, and sore from walking everywhere,