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7/8/2011

More lessons...

Though this might seem more like venting. This is the third time I've started writing this very same post, the other two tries were lost due to technical issues. I don't know what the name of this lesson might be yet, patience, gratitude... I'm not sure, I just know that I'm having an exceedingly difficult time with it.

I had a mini meltdown on the phone with my man-friend this week. It involved me declaring my need to get a comfy chair for my new place. A chair I can sit and work in. I need a comfy chair, or I might die. The point isn't the chair though, the point is comfort - something I'm realizing I took for granted, and expected to follow me around wherever I went.

Right now, I am not comfortable.

There are so many nuances that come together to create "comfort..."
- Physical comfort. That comfy chair, smells, temperature, humidity, sound...
- Convenience, like things being where they should be, or close by, or that they exist at all. There's also the assumption that they work they way they are intended to work.
- Psychological comfort - Personal space, ownership, control, things making sense, familiarity.

Right now life is one continually uncomfortable process for me. Making food and showering in a house that isn't mine, sleeping in a room that smells funky and is filled with spiders, searching high and low for internet access only to find it in freezing places with harsh wooden chairs, getting to work on a tiny screen where the most I can accomplish it seems is to respond to email.

I have things I want to accomplish, plans I want to see through - but when it takes me 3 hours to do what should take 30 minutes it makes me want to scream.

I got walked in on the other day while I wasn't wearing pants - not cause people are rude, but cause it's not my house. At the moment I belong everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Beggars can't be choosers though, right? I'm not sure what I was expecting...

So here are some things I can expect:
- Everything comes to pass... not to stay. I'm uncomfortable now, but soon I'll be in my own place and I'll be able to manipulate everything from the colors to the temperature.
- I can control my attitude and what I feel. So while discomfort may be overwhelming at the moment, I choose gratitude...

I might not be comfortable, but I have a place to stay, I have friends, I have family, I have plans, I have support. I think I can be uncomfortable and grateful at the same time.

So yeah, any help you can offer to go along with this most recient lesson would be appreciated.

Hot, bug bitten, and sore from walking everywhere,
Aleya

6 Comments

Katie link

7/8/2011 09:16:41 am

So so so proud of you, even on your toughest day. I admire your attitude.

It's not the same, but I spend a lot of time not at my own place, especially during the summer months. Go to the park, find an outdoor space that you can claim as yours to go. Find a bike on craigslist...just don't coop up too much. It makes you restless.

xoxo,
k

Meredith

7/8/2011 09:33:48 am

BEER! Or, coffee. And more hiking. And you can come over to our place now that Sadie Lou has met you and maybe she won't try to kill you. We have a pretty comfy place and fast internet. All yours. We've all been where you are, it passes, you grow, and then you look back and say, "shit, that sucked!" I often find myself looking forward to looking back, but there's serious value in the process. Deep breaths, and let me know if you need an emotional Heimlich. Also, to come full circle... BEERS! Tomorrow's Saturday, you know.

Talitha

7/8/2011 09:48:51 am

The lesson I've learned from those types of "errors" is to write articles or long posts, etc in a Word doc, then copy and paste, and work out the font, appearance, etc once you get it in there. If you lose it, at least you have the words down and editing fonts, etc is super easy :)

That said, myself and a couple friends have been working on not complaining or being critical. One is working on spoken/written words, two are working on spoken/written words and thoughts. Our inspiration came from the book "A Complaint Free World" and just our general desire to grow into better people... happier people... less complainy people (not that we're what some would consider complainers). We are def taking this challenge to the next level and check in with each other and give encouragement. There are a lot of things not in our control and if we get bent out of shape because of all those things... we're sabotaging our chance at happiness.

I'm also doing a few other exercises along with that one, but thought you'd find this particularly encouraging in that you're not alone!

Whitney link

7/8/2011 09:52:22 am

I say just keep making changes until you find the right one! I was lucky to find a good place with good roomies when I moved out here but after about a year our lease was up and I moved to a friends house in Denver until I could find something else. I felt the same way as you do living there, so I kept looking for a better place to live in the town I wanted to be in and didn't settle until I found the perfect fit. It will happen! Good luck Aleya.

Aleya link

7/8/2011 10:24:05 am

Ugh! Thanks for all the suggestions!! Perspective is so useful...

Jill, Head Geargal link

7/10/2011 02:21:45 pm

Ah! I feel your pain. Being in space that is not your own is trying. Believe me, I understand, having spent 18 months in similar circumstances. You'll get through it; it'll be over someday. Make the best of it? Ugh, terrible, lame advice, I know. But once it IS over, it will seriously feel like it took no time at all. Deep breath, and more wine!

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