This was not the type of comfort zone stretching I was expecting.
Remember the new year's resolution post where I said I wanted to learn how to roll with life's waves? I don't think I'm doing so well at the moment, now that there are no waves to roll with. Colorado has had all kinds of new lessons to teach me so far:
With big changes, sometimes it's ok to chill the 'eff out and give things a chance to soak in. If you are in the process of re-creating yourself, you won't get far if you are busy every moment of every day. Sometimes dead space is necessary to let yourself work through things. (I say this as I write on a laptop from my room at a friend's house with no cell reception or internet.)
I just read a perfectly timed article on reclaiming sacred personal space in a world of constant connectivity. Scott Besley talks about recognizing and protecting the time your brain and body need to mull over ideas and issues, and suggests instating a "Sabbath" where you disconnect from the constant chatter of the world. Much like what's going on here in my temporary mountain home, he says it will feel weird at first but it won't last forever.
...but I neeeeed twitter!!...
I often feel like I'm on the verge of creating or completing something good, but just can't manage to push it out because my mind and body are always engaged in something else. Maybe this time away from it all will teach me how to let the ideas come.
Not finding a job right away has made me all kinds of insecure. Instead of sticking to my plan to find a job that will allow me to focus on grad school, I began reacting to my joblessness by applying to anything and everything that might offer me some cash. It took a friend reminding me why I moved, and telling me to stop letting my circumstances dictate my actions. Stepping back from my situation, I'm still in good shape, even without a job. I almost lost what I came here for by losing sight of my master plan. Don't lose your vision. Remember that you are uncomfortable because you CHOSE this new life. Embrace it and stay focused.
I wrote a while back about re-defining your comfort zone, then I sold all my things and moved, and promptly forgot all the thinking I did to prepare myself for this change. Hey, I never said I was good at this. The overarching theme of "remember" seems to pervade everything I do. Feeling lost, insecure, unhappy, overwhelmed - all stem from a loss of perspective. If you are like me, you might need to make a giant poster with your reasons for wanting change and hang it over the bed so you can see it first thing when you wake. Or maybe something a bit less drastic, like a morning recitation that gets you set for the day will do. Whatever it takes, remind yourself that you are choosing to ... (be uncomfortable/go without/leave/stay/give/go/be alone/change).
The answer to "Now what?" seems to be to wait. In three weeks I'll emerge from mountain life and who knows what will have changed by then. Whatever happens: I chose this path, I am not settling, I will not lose my vision and I will never live to be anything less than bold.