I thought this is an appropriate title for this post, since last year was "Hello 2011." I've said good bye to many things this year - comfort, security, people and my idea of "normal." Good Bye seems fitting. 

This post is a bit more serious than the last yearly reflection. It might just be the place I'm in at the moment, but I hope that my look inward helps you do the same in a way that goes beyond trite resolutions and into the kind of person you want to become. 

My goal for 2011 was to learn balance. Instead I ended up throwing myself farther over the edge of what I thought was possible, pushed my limits and learned more about myself in one year than I have in the last 5. Lets see what this year taught me. 

  This year I learned that fear is a big part of my life. Too big in fact. I'm afraid of many many things, from being alone to not using my life to its fullest. I've said a lot about being bold, about embracing life and making big changes and creating the life you want, but I haven't said much about changing myself. I've been afraid of letting go of the ways I've learned to function in this world. The things I do that keep me sane and safe emotionally, that hold my world view together, the unspoken and unconscious beliefs about myself and others - they aren't serving me well any more. They make me sad when I don't need to be, shy when I don't want to be, blind to others and self obsessed. I'm afraid of letting go though, because even though they cause me pain, there is safety and comfort in those old patterns.  

I almost feel like my pride in changing my life this year is undeserved, since I've yet to conquer this bigger and darker foe. Maybe the changes I made in my life this year were just to bring me to the place where I can finally face it head on. 2012 will be about more than epic adventures, risk and hope, it will be about facing the parts of myself that are holding me back, learning to let go of certainty and find what I need within myself. You'll see my resolutions reflect that - more thoughts on the kind of person I want to become, and less on what I want to do. 

Though what would a list of mine be without a few epic adventures included? 

:)

Like I always do, here is my list from last year and notes on what actually happened:

1. Sew a dress. Wtf? Why did I write this? And no I didn't sew a dress. 
   
2. Climb a mountain. Yes!! 3 in fact - two CO 14ers and the Grand Teton in Wyoming!
   
3. Visit another country. No! So many years of NOT doing this :( 
   
4. Write another book. YES! The second children's book should appear some time in 2012.
   
5. Run a total of 365 miles in 2011. Nope. Not even close. I did hike like a maniac this summer, so fitness-wise I think it's even. 
   
6. Break the 5.11 barrier. I should have specified indoor or outdoor - though since moving to CO where the rating system is less badass than on the east coast, I have been crushing 11's.
7. Play the ukulele alllll year. Not just quit if I'm frustrated or discouraged. Um... (Sorry Pat)
8. Take some kind of guiding course. No, but I'm all set to do it this spring :-D
   
9. Find another way to give, now that my $10k is gone. Nope :( Still sponsor Jocelyn in Peru, but I would like to find a place to volunteer in Boulder. 
   
10. Take time for self care each day. Did a pretty good job, with the exception of some hard times this fall. 
    
11. Learn how to practice yoga. Yep! I'm a regular in Brian's class now, with plans to incorporate yoga into other more scholarly pursuits. 
    
12. Buy a par of sexy shoes. I'm going to buy boots today! Thanks Amazon gift card!
    
13. Learn how to use a pro video editing software. Fail. I had to give my Mac back when I quit my NASA job. 
14. Start The Seven Day Adventure (Oh wouldn't you like to know??) No, but that still exists, and I have an even better almost done project that will come out in January. 
15. Go to an OR show. No, but 2012 looks promising. 
16. Fix things I have broken. Not really :-/ 
17. Eat healthier. Yes! Thank you Colorado!
18. Volunteer with Honor Flight. Nope, I moved before I could do this. 

Again, this year in reality was much more exciting than the list I made lead me to believe it would be. Here are a few highlights:

1. I finally went to Hawaii :)
2. I started grad school in a field I 
     can't wait to be part of. 
3. I moved to COLORADO!
4. I own my own trad rack.
5. I work at a climbing gym in     
     Boulder (How the heck did that happen? Thank you Kate!)
6. I saw another shuttle launch.
7. I finished my second book.
8. I went on 3 ULTRA-road trips. (45 hours or more.)
9. I'm well on my way to being in control of my own finances (working for myself).

So here we go...

In 2012, I, Aleya Littleton, do hearby resolve:

1. To default to happiness. Sadness gives me comfort in a weird way. It's me taking care of myself. Instead, I'll change my belief about myself and give myself the gift of happy endorphins more often. 

2. To quit being a chicken about being alone with me. I'll do this by developing a regular meditation practice (already have started) and doing more solo hiking (like I did this summer.)

3. To not lie. At all. Even if it means I lose something because of it. I deserve to be able to be my real self around other people, and I demand excellence from myself in my words and actions. I will cultivate integrity and accept responsibility for my actions, good and bad. 

4. To truly value others in my words and actions, not because I want people to like me and I want things from them, but because that is what every person deserves. Each life is precious and worthy of love.

And to add more epic-ness...

5. Go to the J-Tree Tweetup!
6. Climb in Utah and Wyoming!
7. Plan a winter ascent 
8. Love on my doggie more.
9. Launch the super secret project.
10. Climb a 5.12 outside
11. Call home more often.
12. Increase my monthly income by 50%.
13. Take and pass the SPI course.
14. Take another epic ultra-road trip.
15. Find a place to volunteer.

Impossible? Maybe. But with my track record, you never know :)

Happy New Year everyone,
xoxo - Aleya

I haven't posted anything in over a month. In the two years Rock and Sky has been live, I have never gone that long without posting. As I was explaining to a friend today, when I write, it's like I'm giving out a piece of myself. There is no such thing as "just a post" for me, not really. Each thing I write takes effort, has emotion and inspiration. When I write, it's my gift. But what happens when you just don't have anything to give any more?

This fall has been hard for me, both personally and professionally. I'm busy recreating myself in a new town and in a new life, and at some point, I just ran out of things to give. I can't write when I can't be authentic, and my authentic self is pretty empty at the moment. As I write this though, it's starting to fill back up. The one thing that has kept me from being completely empty this semester has been gratitude.

Gratitude is more than an emotion, it's a state of mind. It's a way of looking at the world. Hardship and sadness can cloud your view and drain your energy, but you have the ability to shift your own world back in to focus. Choose gratitude.

My life, at this moment, is filled with amazing people. I've met friends who've offered support and love I though I'd never experience. People, many across the country, constantly offer help, sweet words, late night listening ears and comfort. Just thinking about how these people, with their own lives, take time for me - I can't express enough how grateful I am for them. 

Not only people, but I've found place and opportunity as well. I love Boulder. It's constantly sunny, and I can bike wherever I need to go. I have several great jobs where I'm using my talents, and one where I can zone out like a zombie. My dog is happy here. She is still with me and healthy. I can climb whenever I want to. The coffee and beer here are great too...

Feel loss and sorrow, that's ok, but don't let them empty you to where you have nothing left to offer. Spend some time meditating on what you have to be grateful for in your life. That will spill into your day, and you will begin being more gracious to others. 

The best part about gratitude is that you can cultivate it in your own life. It comes from inside of you, and you can create more. Choose to be grateful, then take action to create more reasons to be grateful. Treat your friends better. Volunteer with those who have less than you do. Get a new pet. Find a new local treasure. Read an amazing book. Take time for your family. New reasons to be grateful will appear, and give you strength through the hard times. 

I am so very grateful for you,
Aleya

If you know me personally, you know that I am loyal to a fault and constantly hand out the benefit of the doubt. I'm more like a 10 strikes and you're out person, rather than three. That's why I'm a bit hesitant to write this post. The intent isn't to bash anyone, but to post an experience that I hope will be a lesson learned for some people. 

So here it is: How my 15 minutes of fame came and went without me knowing. 

Last fall I applied to the Moosejaw Human of Influence program in what I thought was a stunning and witty manner. In fact, if you Google the above program title, my tweet/post is the first to come up. I was super excited. It's been a tiny dream of mine to have a hand in product development. I love gear, learning about gear, touching gear, dreaming about the ideal piece that would make life amazing. (Don't judge me.) I've even looked into what it would take to get a good short person backpack on the market. Imagine my thrill when in January they officially accepted me and I learned I'd get to see my tiny dream through  to realization.

I sent an email in December (prior to the official acceptance) and then again in April asking if there was anything I could do to activate my participation in the program. I didn't hear anything back.

Life picked up full speed for me, and while I remembered the program, it fell to the background when I quit my job and moved to Colorado.

Then a two weeks ago a friend sent me this picture.

Two thoughts came to mind. The first was "WOW! This is so freaking cool!" And the other was "Um, what happened? I was supposed to be a part of this." (More sad faces.)

The purpose of the program was to involve the Moosejaw community and build brand advocates. Instead of making me more loyal, it made me feel left out and confused. I was really looking forward to this opportunity, and I found out from someone else that it happened without me, and that my name and endorsement were on a product I'd never even seen before. 

I sent another email which bounced back to me, got new contact info from Twitter (@moosejawmadness), and finally got in touch with their Creative Director. 

He called me, which was awesome, and explained that there had been a change in staff and that my email had been left off the list when the program went into full swing this past spring. I had simply been forgotten. The fact that he called, explained, and apologized made me feel understood and valued. We talked about removing my name  since I wasn't actually involved in developing it, and he said he'd send me one for my troubles if I gave him my mailing address.

I sent him just that, along with an idea that would save him the trouble of removing my name and give me the opportunity to check out the jacket and still be part of the program. 

No reply, that was 10 days ago. 

I've been through my share of staff changeovers and I understand managing huge lists of people and the stress of starting new programs, so I'm not without compassion for their situation. But on the consumer end, I feel pretty small at the moment. They tried to do the right thing, but in the end I was just forgotten about. 

I did a search today and found the jacket had been renamed (see my name is still in the web address). Makes me wonder if Chelsea Robbins knows she has a jacket named after her now, or not. 

So the lesson learned is this: Follow through. Double check. Listen, and then keep following through. In an industry where the term "influencer" is becoming more and more important, it's essential to take care of your advocates and not leave anyone behind. 

That. Was. Incredible!!

And also the first official climbing competition I've been to.  As a volunteer and spectator, I got to see all of the work and effort leading up to the showy and brightly colored finals round. Climbers and crew alike worked to create tonight's final event, and it was awesome. 

Tonight 8 men and 8 women from 5 different countries competed in the first IFSC World Cup competition on US soil in 20 years. The comparison between the two events must be vast, with countless advances in the sport happening since 1991. Many of the competitors weren't even born yet. 

Two final routes were put up at Movement gym, where each of the athletes would have one chance to get as far as they could before falling. Scoring is based on the last hold the climber touched, and how in control they were while touching it. More value is assigned to being on a hold and about to execute a move, than reaching out and barely touching it. 

The men's final route proved to be more exciting, with a sequence that most climbers solved with a backwards rotation or nearly upside-down flip. Matty Hong, first on the route, showed his skill with a nail-biting, jaw dropping 180 campus move. The French athletes also seemed to favor a dyno to a large horn, starting with Manuel Romain who lept to the under cling. Sachi Amma made good use of heel hooks while climbing to a definitive 2nd place, falling on move 34. 

First place went to Jakob Schubert (Video here). This is his 6th World Cup victory in a row. Surprisingly, several men expected to give Jakob a run for his money fell early in the route. Sean McColl was one, not making the leap/campus/dyno move the French athletes did so well. 

On the ladies side, the route was less exciting but still exceptionally difficult, with most athletes coming off at the same move from under the roof up to a small crimp on the arete. 

Sasha Digiulian, the only female US athlete to make it to finals, fell on said move and took 7th place over all. 

Johanna Ernst, who had been climbing strong all weekend, managed to make it over the edge and fell 4 holds from the finish. On the way up she took a rest using an impressive Egyptian (Video here)  Johanna took 1st for the women, and Mina Markovic took second. 

Final Results

Men
1. Jakob Schubert
2. Sachi Amma
3. Romain Desgranges
4. Manuel Romain
5. Jorg Verhoeven
6. Matty Hong
7. Sean McColl
8. Ramon Puigbianaque

Women
1. Johanna Ernst
2. Mina Markovic
3. Momoka Oda
4. Maja Vedmar
5. Angela Eiter
6. Akiyo Noguchi
7. Sasha Digiulian
8. Charlotte Durif

It was an amazing event, with much effort going into making it happen by the athletes, organizers and volunteers. A big thank you goes to Movement Gym, The American Alpine Club, North Face and Evolv Shoes for sponsoring the event. 

Catch up on the Semi-Finals and the Quals.

It's been a busy day at Movement. The weather is great, and the crowd is growing. The finals lists were just posted outside the gym. Here is who will be competing tonight:

Men:
1. Sachi Amma
2. Ramon Puigbianaque
3. Sean McColl
4. Jakob Schubert
5. Jork Verhoeven
6. Romain Desgranges
7. Manuell Romain
8. Matty Hong

Women:
1. Johanna Ernst
1. Mina Markovic
3. Momoka Oda
4. Charlotte Durif
4. Maja Vidmar 
6. Angela Eiter
7. Sasha Digiulian
8. Akiyo Noguchi 
 
And a quick look at the rules: http://ow.ly/6S0wg 

Qualifiers are done! 

The unusually grey and rainy day here in Boulder did nothing to curb the action indoors. It did, however, make sitting outside in a tent suck. 

Here are the results.

The qualifying round consisted of two routes to narrow down the 67 athletes to 26 men and 26 women to compete in the semi-finals tomorrow. On the main wall, the women's first climb is on the left, followed by the two men's routes, and finally the second women's route. 

The comp was done flash-style, where competitors are allowed to watch fellow climbers, and remain on the floor for the duration. Tomorrow's semi and final rounds will be done with climbers in isolation. 

My first peek inside was just in time to see Austria's Kathi Posch dominate the first women's route. Taking an extended rest on on overhung crimper, she made the climb look effortless. Minutes later Angela Eiter popped off the same climb, only a few moves from the top. 

The men's routes seemed to be much more difficult. Out of the 34 male athletes, only one flashed both routes. Sachi Amma of Japan flashed both problems, while Jakob Schubert, currently ranked number 1, fell near the top of the second men's route. 

The comp also saw the first (maybe ever?) father-son pair of competators. Matty Hong climbed against his father, Steve Hong. Matty ranked 11th at the end of the day, while his father didn't make the cut. 

Tomorrow's events should be amazing. Even on day one, with rain, the crowd was loud and engaged. Movement says they can accommodate 1,000 spectators, so if you are coming - get there early!

THIS weekend the World Cup Lead Climbing Competition comes to Boulder, the first Lead comp in the us since 1991. I scored the sweet gig of volunteering for the American Alpine Club in their sponsor tent, so I'll be up close and personal with all the action. I'll be posting pictures and video of the events this weekend, but in the mean time, here is a little info about the competition. 

What? World Cup Competition for Lead Sport Climbing
Where? Movement Climbing Gym, Boulder CO
When? October 8-9, 2011
Schedule:
• 7 p.m. Friday: Opening ceremonies parade down Pearl Street (from 15th to 9th) followed by the IFSC World Cup Opening Ceremonies presented by The American Alpine Club
• 10 a.m. Saturday: Warm-up round/Qualifiers; 11:30 a.m. Saturday, Qualifiers
• 12 p.m. Sunday: Semi-Finals
• 7 p.m. Sunday: Finals with Award Ceremony to follow

This weekend 67 athletes from 17 countries will come to compete in Boulder's Movement climbing gym. A complete list of registrants can be found on the IFSC site here. Notably among the competators is Angela Eiter, who won the World Cup in Arco after completing a move where the majority of women fell with an unexpected heel hook. The incredible video can be found here, with falls starting at 4:40. Also competing are Alex Johnson, Emily Harrington and Sasha Diguilian - a personal favorite of mine. Super tiny and super powerful, I saw her climb at the 2010 EMS UBC and was impressed by her ability to scrunch up on a small hold and explode to another twice her height away. She placed first in Arco for combined bouldering and lead results. 

On the men's side is Jakob Schubert, currently ranked number 1 by the IFSC with five World Cup victories in a row. Matty Hong, a Boulder native, who just sent his first V14 in Hueco Tanks, TX, will be climbing along with Ramon Puigblanque, ranked number 2.

This should be an amazing weekend. Info and tickets can be purchased at the main WC Boulder website. 

A little background 

The International Federation of Sport Climbing was founded in 2007 to provide and international, unbiased body to govern climbing competitions, which have been held in one form or another since the 40's. Every year the IFSC holds competitions around the world in the categories of Lead, Bouldering and Speed climbing. Athletes are ranked by judges using a scoring system based on performance. For more information, visit the IFSC website. 

This post might get me shot, but it’s something I’ve been meaning to write for a while now. A few conversations and a similar post by Amy (expandoutdoors) gave me the push to put pen to paper, so here I go.

Femininity, Sexuality, and Being a Woman:

I don’t claim to have the answer to what it means to be a woman, but here is what I’ve figured out so far: I am complicated.

I climb, I teach, I write, I run (sometimes), I climb big mountains, I love getting dirty and spending days in the field, and I love dresses and being looked at ‘cause I’m pretty when I wear them.

I sound balanced, right? Wrong. Internally I struggle with being taken seriously, the desire to be respected for who I am and what I can contribute, and the fact that I didn’t really value a lot of the attributes that are native to me. Growing up I saw emotions as something that would lead me astray. They should be ignored in favor of rational thought. I joined Civil Air Patrol when I was 12. There I learned to be assertive and how to make little boys cry. I valued authority and the chain of command. I felt powerful but incomplete.

I grew up and began giving in to the oh-so-strong urge to be “girly.” I cautiously added pink to my wardrobe and started smiling more. It felt good, but I also felt like I was letting myself down. Like I was being weak. To me being feminine meant being weak. This internal incongruence made me feel guilty for wanting to be me. Because of that I judged myself pretty harshly.

My moment of awakening came when I realized that my values and judgements were relative. I could change them. I could learn to accept myself - all of myself - and that would make my life a happier and more fulfilling one. Instead of weakness, femininity could be my strength. Being able to captivate people with my smile and enthusiasm is a gift, and using that gift isn’t manipulation by any means. I enjoy dressing attractively, wearing pink and letting my vast range of emotions wash over me. I also enjoy climbing, mountaineering, leading groups and debating. Not everyone is this way, and I revel in my uniqueness.

Applying this to society in general is a bit harder. I saw the new “Women of Climbing” calendar and wanted to puke. The image of a skilled female climber in tight shorts and a low cut bra being photographed from the top (better view of the goods, you know) seems to degrade her skill in the sport. Contrastingly is the ThoughtYouKnew.us project, where skilled cyclists come to be photographed as attractive pin-ups. What’s the difference?

One is to sell, the other is to empower.

Sex sells, we all know that. That’s not a healthy thing to strive for. Denying a part of us for the sake of “respect and recognition” isn’t healthy either. If I walk into a situation wearing a tiny skirt with the purpose of using it to my advantage, I’m guilty of manipulation and of “selling” myself. On the other hand, if I never wear skirts at all because I’m so worried about being taken seriously, I’m repressing a very large part of myself, and I’ll likely be an unhappy Aleya.

There are some pretty strong feelings out there about being sexual and being accomplished. It almost seems as though they are mutually exclusive. Do they need to be? If a classically beautiful woman is CEO, should she downplay her beauty, or do we assume she used it to get to the top? I don’t think either view is fair. Why can’t an accomplished female athlete be photographed in a bikini one day and win a comp the next? Her body should be celebrated for being beautiful and being skilled. Some might say that she will only be seen as a sex symbol, and that it downplays her abilities. Again, that’s an extremely narrow view. Masculine sexuality, (images of sweaty ripped athletes) is rarely relegated to a corner, mainly because we associate it with power and success. Why is feminine sexuality not associated with achievement, success and confidence?

The best solution I can come up with is that we need to encourage each other to just be ourselves and to live with integrity. We need to teach little girls that it’s ok to be sweet and quiet if they want to be, or loud and outgoing if they want to be. We also need to teach them to strive for excellence in whatever they choose to pursue.

As for me, I don’t get angry when I see a woman posing with a flirty look on her face, especially when it was her choice. She feels beautiful at that moment, and I give her points for being authentic. I do have a problem with the chick on the men’s deodorant commercial who is only there to make them want to buy... but then again, that’s still her choice.

Hello, my name is Aleya. I’m a girl, and everything that comes with being a girl. Love it, I do!

The following are excerpts from my very first (!!) paper for grad school. They asked me to describe what my professional identity will be when I'm a counselor. Ya got me, I barely know up from down at the moment, let alone what I'll be when I'm done with this program. It reminds me of a similar paper I wrote for undergrad about what kind of teacher I'd become. I'd never taught a class. 

So why speculate?

To get my brain rolling towards the future I suppose. To begin to associate myself with my future profession. This is a good practice for any of us with a new future ahead: Begin to visualize your self in it. Speculate. Relate. Own it. Create your space, and move in. Here is what I see in the distance. 

Thanks for reading. :)

As a beginning counselor, shaping our professional identity is a silently running theme behind our studies and dialogue. As we read and write we search for values to imitate and relate to. This will be an ongoing process for the rest of our careers, varying in degree as we mature and become solidified in our own practices. In this paper I begin to explore my thoughts about professional identities and what mine may become.

I’ve worked for some time developing my professional identity as  teacher. Through different teaching scenarios it continues to evolve, though a few core elements remain. These core elements are also part of who I am as a person, and so they will transfer into my new career as a mental health counselor. I believe that an authentic relationship is the best way for me to connect with clients.

Theories
Gestalt Therapy’s focus is on present awareness, and the client coming to change through becoming more aware of who they actually are (Corey, 2009). This focus reminds me of the Taoist approach to life. It also sounds similar to a few training for climbing books I’ve read. Arno Ilgner, in The Rock Warrior’s Way said, “Awareness is the key to beginning any process and to solving any problem... If you are unaware of how you think you have very little power to change. Without change there is no improvement” (2003). The idea of mindfulness and a client’s interactions with the world can be directly applied to climbing as a sport. I would be interested to look into the application of training for climbing and it’s parallels in counseling, and the potential for designing a program that would use not only the challenge of climbing and the experience of being outside, but the practice of mindfulness and the subsequent dialogue as an agent of change.

In contrast to Gestalt Therapy, which is by nature not action focused, is Adventure Based Psychotherapy (ABP). According to Bandoroff and Newes (2004), “ABP is a therapeutic modality combining therapeutic benefits of adventure experiences and activities with those of more traditional modes of therapy.” The experiential learning takes place when clients become an active participant in their therapy. Gass (1993) took the principles of experiential learning and applied them to experiential therapy. What resulted was a list of principles that resemble the well established premises of theories like cognitive, humanistic and behavioral theory. These principles include client participation, meaningful activities, client-therapist relationship development, dissonance as a platform for change and relevant consequences of the learning.

Even before joining the MAP program, I knew I wanted to learn how to use experience to help others, much like experience has helped me. ABP seems to be the perfect medium to bring together multiple theories of counseling and apply them in a non traditional setting, which may result in even more meaningful change. The elements of humanistic theory that I appreciate, empathy, the relationship with the client, and exploration as a guide to insight are obvious in ABP. Gestalt theory also plays a role where we see the use of wilderness and the environment and how the client responds and interacts while in it.

The role of a counselor is to facilitate change. The client seeks out the counselor seeking that change, and the counselor provides the relationship, space, tools and support necessary for that change to occur. There are a variety of ways to accomplish this, just as there are a variety of types of clients and counselors. The unique pairing of people, skills and the timing in which they occur can bring phenomenal results.