WHOOO HOOOO!!!

I have amazing news! I was just notified yesterday that I received an American Alpine Club Research Grant!! 

What do I need a grant for, you may ask? This summer as my capstone project for my masters degree in Adventure Therapy, I will be running a Women's Trauma Informed Rock Climbing program. Awesome? Yes. More than I can handle? No - but I do need some help...

Help!

As of right now the program needs a few things to get off the ground. Specifically, one female climbing facilitator in the Denver or Colorado Springs are who has Saturdays in June and July free, climbing shoes and helmets for the participants (my shoe/helmet plans fell through..), and snacks - cause you can't climb and rewire your brain without enough glucose and protein. 


Why Trauma Informed?

This is a topic I am passionate about, and will most likely specialize in after I graduate. As the field of mental health progresses, we are learning that trauma may be at the core of the majority of mental illness. Depression, anxiety, ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder, personality disorders - all have roots in the physiological effects of trauma. This means that we need to re think how we facilitate and structure our programming. The typical guide lingo and climbing 101 class won't do. Trauma-informed means creating programming with the effect of trauma in mind. Trauma strips us of our sense of self, of safety and of the ability to regulate emotions. Trauma-informed care strives to replace, or at least be aware of, those thing. 

Why Rock Climbing?

Rock climbing presents the unique opportunity to combine peak experience, group support, somatic (movement) therapy and rich metaphor. It also has the potential to be done in an amazingly beautiful environment, capitalizing on the inherent healing power of nature. And finally - initiation into the culture of climbing has the potential to positively influence all aspects of life: healthy living/eating, community support (Heyo-twitter climbers!), world view (increased travel), and a values shift toward conservation and environmental responsibility (thank you Access Fund!). It changed my life, and this is my chance to pass it along.

So I am reaching out to my wonderful twitter outdoors community. Anyone who is interested in sponsoring should email me right away, aleya dot littleton @ gmail.com. Your name will go in the finished paper and in any presentations or other publications I do. Also, if you'd like info or training on trauma-informed care, I'm your girl! 

Thanks in advance,
Aleya
 

So I came home today and there was a box on my doorstep... 

This post is about that, and how synthetic materials and card board made me cry.

Apparently I was picked to be part of the 2013 #OmniTen crew. I say apparently because I am not sure I really believe it yet. I was told I was getting some left over swag when I handed out my address - not the summer of my dreams. I felt immediately compelled to write this because while #OmniTen is insanely cool, it is so much more than that. 

Since my entry into the social media world in 2009 where I helped to launch NASA into the "Tweetup" world, I have been adamant that at its best Twitter, blogs (and maybe FaceBook) are mediums for connection. From a brand perspective, it is the opportunity to create a relationship with customers and to convey the value system within your company. In that way you build a community, not just a following, that holds your values and carries your message into the future. From the daily user perspective, this is the chance to choose your family and friends based on interests, passions and beliefs. It is the chance to craft a community around what you hold most dear. For those of us who found each other through the love of climbing and the outdoors, it has meant countless in-person meetups, inspiration to make the most out of our lives, a sense of belonging and even a place to go for comfort when times are hard. This community, to me, is priceless.  

Aaaaand here come the tears. 

As some of you know, I am in graduate school for Adventure Therapy. I love being outside so much that I decided to make it my job to take others there and help them experience the same healing that I have. Grad school, however, is hard. It is hard, and expensive, and requires hours of reading and writing and a very long unpaid internship. It is good, and it also sucks. Today of all days, on my way home from Denver, I lost it. I confided in my best friend that I felt lonely, even though I was surrounded by people. I also have less time to myself and time to play. After two years, it's really starting to get to me. 

And then I pulled into my driveway and found this:

Gear? Yeah, stuff is awesome. I love stuff. It's why I first started climbing. It's so much more than that though, it is a reminder of who I am, who I still am underneath all this grad school. It is an invitation back into the world and community I love so much. This silly box brought my heart back home...

Ok, there is always a message. What is it? (Other than that I will be blogging again!)

1. We are born for connection.
I spent half my grad school career learning this single concept. We are born for relationship and connection. If you need more in your life, go get it. If you have a wealth, share. You never know how far your influence will go.

2. Our true selves are never truly lost.
While temporary and transient things like work or school may seem to change us, underneath we are still the same, and that person can come back if we let it. All we have to do is remind ourselves, and the sweet/funny/determined/happy/sarcastic/smart/loyal/generous parts of us start to show through again. With digging, they come back to stay.

Thank you so much Columbia for helping me start to dig. 

I am the kind of person who selects "In Store Pickup" because I can't stand to wait for the UPS truck to come. I am the queen of finding the fastest and most efficient way to accomplish things. I abhor wasted time, especially in the context of life goals. I stuck with my original undergrad degree choice, graduated on time with no changes, and was employed in my field within two months of graduating. Can anyone out there relate?
Boom! Get 'er done. Big stuff, small stuff, why can't it just happen now? In some cases, it can. What I am about to advocate, is that it shouldn't.

The reason is way deeper than you may expect - delaying gratification and all that jazz is a sign of solid character. It is way more than that. I've even created a diagram to help out. But before you get concerned, let me reassure you that the bit of info below may put life, yours and others, into a clear perspective. 

So, why shouldn't we have our future now? Why does time need to be involved in change and progress?

Enter "Creative Systems Theory." (Here is the diagram too.)

This theory conceptualizes the process of creating. We create products, businesses, works of art, and also our own lives. One could argue that the creative arc applies to any endeavor that we begin. Let's use the example of college.

In the "pre" phase, you may have the notion that you'd like to be an architect some day. You come to the conclusion that yes, indeed this is it, so you register for classes. Once in classes, you begin to learn about the different kinds or architecture, see great structures, learn interesting theories and histories - and you become inspired. This is the greatest thing ever! The world is open before you, and you WILL be the one who defines a new era of modern architecture. This is the "early" phase of creation. Most people like this phase because it is so damn exciting. It gets your heart racing. I can even feel my heart rate pick up just remembering different times in my life when I was in early phase. Both fortunately and unfortunately, this phase must end. It's gift is that the imparted inspiration is a great motivator for the times to come. It's curse is the feeling that the entire ride will be that way. 

Then the "middle" phase begins. This is where the student narrows their focus to a specialty, when they spend long hours writing papers, when they pay their dues with the blood, sweat and tears of an unpaid internship. The middle phase is where the work happens. It is also where the doubts creep in and life seems less exciting. 

Senior year rolls along, and you start feeling at home. You have a smaller cohort, you know where all your resources are, you might even mentor freshman. You have a strong body of knowledge from which to draw and the confidence to use it. This is the "late" phase. One might even say that this is the end of the road, that you have "arrived" whilst in this phase. 

Nope. The Creative Systems Model takes into account one final and vital concept: 
The Turning Point.

Graduation is a concrete example of a turning point. Your tasks turn from external creation to internal integration. The experiences of undergrad need time to settle in to who you are as a person. The question you must ask yourself is, "Who am I now?"

Who am I now...

Now that I have completed this arc, how does it become part of me that I can use moving forward? This is called integration, the final phase of the system of creation. 

In the book Necessary Endings, Dr. Henry Cloud talks about doing an autopsy on the thing that has passed. In this way you learn from your experience and integrate the lessons into your identity, preventing the repetition of patterns and mistakes.

Identifying when integration is needed can be tricky, but for most cases the turning point can be felt as a shift in our energy - what we are focusing on. In the case of undergrad, graduation turns to job hunting or job starting.

Integration can and does often happen on its own, though approaching this phase intentionally adds to the value you take away from it immensely. Imagine an amazing trip to India, followed immediately by another intense project, with no space in between. Integration will happen still, but you lose out on the energy to be gained from reflection and transition. 

Some people skip over parts of this process. They get so siked in the early phase that they go straight to the late phase, pushing out a product before it is completely baked. Or they go through an intense period of personal growth and awareness, only to skip integration and head right into the impartation of half baked wisdom to others. This is called spiritual bypassing. The work and time are superficial, and the product is rushed and fleeting. 

So what does that mean for us, in concrete terms:

1.  Enjoy the early phase, but don't fall into the trap of thinking life ends there. Be inspired, and store up that energy for the long days ahead.
   
2. The middle phase makes you strong. In going through this phase you take the first steps toward mastery. Also, look for the people in your ife who are in the middle phase and offer them your support - they need it.
   
3. Don't rush the process. Spiritual bypassing puts a serious damper on your ability to change and grow as a person. It also cheats the world out of what you could have been able to offer if you had let your identity have the time required to process your creative arc.
   

As with any new awareness, this bit of information has just increased your ability to make decisions around, and change, your life. And sometimes just knowing what is ahead can make the journey less arduous.

In the past 12 months I've taken 24 credits on the human condition. From psychopathology, to groups, to how we need love to thrive as individuals. I've read more than I'll ever retain. I've been horrified and mesmerized and awe inspired at the depths of the human soul. With these new tools and perspectives, I've begun peering even deeper into mine.

This past year I resolved to not just change my life, but to change me. I resolved to learn about what is holding me back and how I can create my new life from within, not just without.  When I started grad school they told us we would learn more about ourselves than we ever wanted to know, and that in the process we'd be making ourselves into a tool to help others. I feel like I'm just barely getting started in that process, but I'm just a short 12 months away from graduating. I feel like my resolution to grow and change myself this past year will be more of a lifetime-long resolution than just a single year one. I've always believed that we should be life long learners, and that self discovery is ongoing - I just didn't realize how important knowledge of self is to the quality of our lives. With that in mind, change of self probably really the best way to change your life externally. Boldness inside begets boldness outside. Taking the risk to get to know yourself, learning the tools needed to change and then actually doing something about it might be the most badass journey you'll take.

Clearly, school has been the dominant force in my life this year. That and finding employment. I started practicum this fall, and in the last week put in 40 hours there, chasing kids around Denver. This past summer I worked 70 hour weeks managing a work crew in the mountains.  Now I sit on babies professionally.

I also landed myself the kind of guy every girl dreams of - smart, handsome, and bring me flowers all the time. So I've been spending a fair amount of time with him as well.

If last year was about sticking to my guns and following through with the life I've chosen, this year is about embracing it and finding out how to best help others using my talents and passions (I'm in grad school for counseling psych, in case you missed it.) A wise friend of mine told me today that he resolves this year to see others with more understanding. More understanding, less judgement. Life is hard enough as it is. "We are all in this same shit together." In my opinion, compassion for other should be the ultimate human aspiration. What would this world be like if we saw each other, loved first, and judged later. After all, there is only one you, one me, and one wild and wonderful life. How will we move through it together?

So here are my resolutions from last year. Lets see how I did...

In 2012, I, Aleya Littleton, do hearby resolve:

1. To default to happiness. Sadness gives me comfort in a weird way. It's me taking care of myself. Instead, I'll change my belief about myself and give myself the gift of happy endorphins more often. Much better about this. It had a lot to do with the new tools I acquired to understand myself and why I am the way I am. 

2. To quit being a chicken about being alone with me. I'll do this by developing a regular meditation practice (already have started) and doing more solo hiking (like I did this summer.) Meh, did alright :) Meditation is going to be a priority this year, especially after reading THIS article. 

3. To not lie. At all. Even if it means I lose something because of it. I deserve to be able to be my real self around other people, and I demand excellence from myself in my words and actions. I will cultivate integrity and accept responsibility for my actions, good and bad. I've done really well with this. It's brought me to a deeper level in my relationships than I've been before, and taught me how to be really vulnerable. 

And to add more epic-ness...

5. Go to the J-Tree Tweetup! Ended up having my internship interviews that weekend - and I scored a slot. Sad not to go, but happy with how it turned out!
6. Climb in Utah and Wyoming! Nope. Too busy being awesome at my job/school.
7. Plan a winter ascent I still have time to do this. 
8. Love on my doggie more. Yes. She can now "shake." #win
9. Launch the super secret project. Did it. Then stopped. Starting again soon. 
10. Climb a 5.12 outside What's climbing again??
11. Call home more often. ...and introduced them to video chat.
12. Increase my monthly income by 50%. Not even close. 
13. Take and pass the SPI course. YES!! I can now dangle people off a cliff!!
14. Take another epic ultra-road trip. Went to Red Rocks and back. Lived to tell the story :)
15. Find a place to volunteer. Does practicum count??


So what did happen this year?

1. I learned to love horses, and now see myself working with them and clients in a therapeutic way. This may seem a bit trivial, but imagine meeting a truly honest soul, who will be with you in a way that insists you be present and honest with them. Say hello to your horse...

2. I passed my SPI exam and worked as a guide this summer/fall. This is a huge deal since when I first thought of doing it, it was a wish in the mind of a scared small trad newbie. This is the physical evidence of my mental and emotional growth. I'm proud of me :)

3. I started another book...

4. I had my first experience with a client and attempted suicide. In this I learned even more about myself, professional boundaries, self care, and the fact that my passion for another human being is my biggest asset. When I am a full time therapist, I will be the kind that feels deeply and does not burn out from lack of self care. I love that I can love people. 

5. Found a belonging in a group of friend. I am so grateful to be a part of a group that has whiskey tasting parties and climbing trips and cares for each other so much. Thank you for bringing me into your lives.

6. My sister moved to Boulder. In the process I'm learning patience, more compassion, and that my relationship with her is more important to me than my pride or my emotions. Love you AnnaLea.

So this year, 2013, should be huge yet again.

In 2013, I, Aleya Littleton, do hearby resolve to:

1. Finish another book. One more adult in nature.
2. Focus on self care so that I may be of the very best service to my clients.
3. Share what I learn with others. 
4. Continue to grow through relationships.
5. Have integrity in my internship.
6. Work my ass of to graduate in December.
7. Go on two badass climbing trips.
8. Re-decide that it's ok for me to make mistakes.
9. Love on my family more.
10. Consolidate the geography of my life. 
12. Play the uke
13. Run 4 miles in a row.
14. Do 3 14'ers.
15. End internship with a plan in mind for 2014. 

Nothing is impossible...

Last night I went to see the premier (OMG) of the REEL ROCK 7 film tour in Boulder, CO. It was phenomenal. And I got to meet Alex Honnold (I peed myself a little). I couldn't help but notice that it was a bit nippy outside (and inside). Wait - summer isn't endless? I was sure it would last forever this time. People all over Chautaqua last night were sporting their latest Pata-gucci puffy. The elite Boulder climbers were out on the town. 

With the weather turning cold, I went through my closet and pulled out a favorite: 
The EMS Divergence Fleece Jacket.
(Who needs Pata-gucci?) 

The EMS Divergence Fleece is a Polartec midweight jacket that defies typical "fleece" boundaries. The jacket features zippered pockets, Cliff bar warming (chest) pocket, and a semi-fitted... fit. 

I've been able to wear this jacket in quite a few scenarios now - a snowy Boulder winter afternoon, chilly mornings in Red Rocks, setting up a TR for a client in Aspen and in an Arizona rainstorm. My favorite part about this jacket is that it's up for just about anything. It is fine on its own (though not super wind proof), and works well under and over other layers. Under a hard shell is perfect for a windy rainy hike. Over a classy shirt/jeans and it is perfect for walking to dinner from your car. Under a puffy jacket, it's perfect for belaying someone up an ice climb, especially since you can cinch in the hem with sewn in bungee. There are also snaps on the sleeves and collar that attach to an EMS SYNC shell. I've washed sand, snow and sweat out of this jacket and still no sign of pillage. 

Pro's
 - WARM!!! 
 - Cute fit (on men and women)
 - Layers well
 - Breathes with activity
 - Stretchy in all the right places
 - Durable
 - Love the chest pocket

Con's
 - Not super wind proof
 - Comes in black, purple and tan for the ladies :(

Watch this swanky movie showing a man point to and play with all the relevant features of the jacket... Win. 

So this blog isn't dead. (And neither are my hopes and dreams. More on that in a second.)

I wanted to get that off my chest right away. "They" say that the average lifespan of a blog is less than two years. Mine has been around for a bit longer than that now. That's a win right there. The absence of posting over the summer, however, would suggest that I am no longer active as a writer. The contrary is true: I'm writing constantly - for grad school - which leaves little time for anything else. My summer job took my time, grad school took my brain. Nothing is left for the internet.

But I have a dream...

When I started this blog, my dream was to be useful and influential in the outdoor industry. Now it is a bit different. I want to be useful and influential in the world of experiential therapy. I have some amazing ideas buzzing around in my head, and I'm focused on paying my grad school dues in order to see them come to life. My dream is changing constantly, it seems, as I move from one phase of life to another.

The drastic change my life has taken over the past 18 months has prompted many posts, and now, my absence from and return to the interwebs has prompted another:

How do you move from one thing to another? From one season to the next? 
How do you end, then come back? 

An absence of any kind- a trip, a vacation, a hiatus, a life change, job change... These are endings and beginnings, all rolled into one compact timeframe. I call them "Begendings." 

I feel begendings are frequently overlooked. We don't think about the end of something and the beginning of another with much intention. We might think about it with dread, or anticipation, or ambivalence, but rarely with a plan in mind. We move from one season to the other without learning what we should, and ignoring the effects that the change in phase has on us - and it does have an effect. Most of these changes manifest as lessons lost, repeated mistakes, stunted growth, a feeling of stuckness and unresolvedness. The ignored begending takes its toll.

So how can we better prepare for begendings?

1. Autopsy

This great book I read, called Necessary Endings (Cloud, 2011) ((I can't believe I just cited like that)), talks about the process of endings and beginnings. One great tip was doing an autopsy of what has just passed. This examination gives us a place to retain the lessons of the last season, and to grow in the next. Self reflection may be the most powerful tool we have to create change in our lives, and a great way to process begendings.

2. Go Gradually 

Another valuable tip is to prepare for the transition. When we come back from a great trip, we experience "re-entry" blues. Don't quit the former season cold turkey. Schedule phone calls with friends you are leaving, make a scrap book, plan a reunion. Phase yourself out gradually. Give yourself opportunities to find closure and honor what has come and gone. 

3. Live in Your Moment

The last tip is to live in the here and now. Dwelling on the past, after you've processed it, robs you of opportunities in the present.  "Back when... we had... and it was so much better." We've all had similar conversations. Allowing this to become a habit actually hardwires your brain to stay in the past. Speak about the present and the future positively. Plan your next steps using the information you gleaned from your autopsy. Move forward with intention, knowing that you've entered a new season with more wisdom and insight than before.

Embrace your begendings - beginnings and endings - with intention, preparation and boldness.