In the past 12 months I've taken 24 credits on the human condition. From psychopathology, to groups, to how we need love to thrive as individuals. I've read more than I'll ever retain. I've been horrified and mesmerized and awe inspired at the depths of the human soul. With these new tools and perspectives, I've begun peering even deeper into mine.
You hear that word over and over in climbing. “Yo bra! You just gotta commit to that move!” or “That 14 pitch 5.11 trad climb in Canada is super committing.” If you climb, you know that feeling, that moment - when you HAVE to commit. If you don’t, you fail.
I love road trips...
I've written about long road trips before. This past year I've taken five 14 hour or more road trips. There is something about hitting the road, especially alone, that clears my head and makes room for all kinds of possibility.
I am blessed to have to drive down to Prescott, AZ twice a semester for grad school colloquium. The trip is usually great, but this last one was particularly amazing...
I thought this is an appropriate title for this post, since last year was "Hello 2011." I've said good bye to many things this year - comfort, security, people and my idea of "normal." Good Bye seems fitting.
This post is a bit more serious than the last yearly reflection. It might just be the place I'm in at the moment, but I hope that my look inward helps you do the same in a way that goes beyond trite resolutions and into the kind of person you want to become.
My goal for 2011 was to learn balance. Instead I ended up throwing myself farther over the edge of what I thought was possible, pushed my limits and learned more about myself in one year than I have in the last 5. Lets see what this year taught me.
I haven't posted anything in over a month. In the two years Rock and Sky has been live, I have never gone that long without posting. As I was explaining to a friend today, when I write, it's like I'm giving out a piece of myself. There is no such thing as "just a post" for me, not really. Each thing I write takes effort, has emotion and inspiration. When I write, it's my gift. But what happens when you just don't have anything to give any more?
This post might get me shot, but it’s something I’ve been meaning to write for a while now. A few conversations and a similar post by Amy (expandoutdoors) gave me the push to put pen to paper, so here I go.
Femininity, Sexuality, and Being a Woman:
I don’t claim to have the answer to what it means to be a woman, but here is what I’ve figured out so far: I am complicated.
I can't believe it's over. I've been training for the last year and a half, worrying, coping, persisting, growing... and now it's done. All my work and time and effort, coming to a beautiful resolution. I feel like I did when I turned 16 – like I'd finally crossed a milestone where I was “older.” Instead, now I feel stronger, wiser, more capable. The point is, I feel like I've actually changed.
This post is more than a trip report. It's a reflection on the time I devoted to making my life better, and the process of growing beyond my boundaries, something I feel is necessary for anyone who wants to change and grow.
Note: Long post and SOOOOO many beautiful pictures below...
With moving and grad school, my Summit for Someone climb has been a bit of a moving target. As of this week though, it's been nailed down. This weekend I'll be climbing the Grand Teton with Jackson Hole Mountain Guides.
I thought this would be a good time to finish my "Why I climb" post.
The path of my life over the past year and a half that I've been preparing to do a Summit for Someone climb almost answers the question for me: Why do I climb?
Though this might seem more like venting. This is the third time I've started writing this very same post, the other two tries were lost due to technical issues. I don't know what the name of this lesson might be yet, patience, gratitude... I'm not sure, I just know that I'm having an exceedingly difficult time with it.
I had a mini meltdown on the phone with my man-friend this week. It involved me declaring my need to get a comfy chair for my new place. A chair I can sit and work in. I need a comfy chair, or I might die. The point isn't the chair though, the point is comfort - something I'm realizing I took for granted, and expected to follow me around wherever I went.
Right now, I am not comfortable.
For those of you who've been following my rather dramatic life transformation, you know I made some pretty bold statements at the beginning. I still mean all of them. I still refuse to settle for a less-than-meaningful life. I still want to learn and grow and embrace life beyond my comfort zone. The issue at the moment is, that while bold statements look good on paper, real life is actually a bit less exciting.
This was not the type of comfort zone stretching I was expecting.